Reminiscence

When you take things for granted,
That is when you get a jolt like a lightning spark splitting a fully grown tree in two.
Your assumptions come down crashing.All that you thought would last forever.
When someone leaves you in the morning, Never in the slightest of thoughts does it strike
That this may just be your last memory of that person living.
That you are never ever going to see him anymore.

But he would only live in your memories.
That all the things that he did for you, without any expectations.
That all the love he bestowed on you, without asking anything in return,
You took for granted, that you never was able to give back.
No amount of tears are going to bring him back.
But you continue to be stupid, continue to cry.

All that remain are the memories that you have
Of a man walking steadfast, always ahead of you
Always sitting on the chair in front of the house, reading his newspaper with legs crossed
Of a man who enjoyed watching the rain like a child.
Of someone who always thought good was not enough, excellence is possible.

Of someone who used to fry you omelette and fish fry served in the finest way with onion slices
Of someone who used to fix the fan and tubes and clean the stove and make it sparkle.
Of someone with green fingers that every plant kept, every seed sown would flourish and grow to bear the finest fruit.
Of someone who never was quite well understood.

Of someone who was eager to learn and grasp new languages but always too modest.
Of someone who used to take time to make recordings of English songs and tape our voices
Of someone who used to sing 'Where's your papa gone , far far away'
Of someone who followed "Alpa ahaaram, svana nidra, kaaga drishti, jeerna vasthram"

Of someone who used to hold this moota close to his chest when she refused to sleep all night and not let others sleep.
Of someone who hardly raised his hands against his children
Of someone who smelt of Hamaam and scent of Old Spice aftershave
Of someone who never forgot to send birthday cards every year though he was away from home.
Of someone who never said anything bad about anyone behind their back.

All I have to say is 'I am sorry'.
I never realised your worth until you were gone.
Am sorry , I have hurt you several times in thoughts, in words and in my actions.
Am sorry I never could really understand you
Am sorry I could not find you until you had already returned to the earth.
Am sorry I never really let you be yourself after your second fall.
I was too afraid I would lose you.

But all you wanted was to be yourself.
I hope you found your peace
That was all you asked for
No desires for petty new clothes, property or fancy items
I love you Dad.
I am sorry I have never said that to you when you were alive